The Curse of the Magus

Sometimes I envy ignorance. If only I could forget who I was, how my actions could affect generations to come, everything that went "wrong" in my life, and what I could do to actually end it all, maybe waste away in both sanity and health. Well, there's illegal drugs, sure, but frankly the fact that I know that all my actions have resounding repercussions for generations to come -- even the typing of this very blog, in spite of the lack of avid followers -- constantly denies me the ability to give in to this very powerful temptation.

It's both a blessing and a curse, really: being able to know what's right and wrong, and acting upon things that would favor the "right" rather than the "wrong", you deny a lot of things that many other people your age enjoy -- material wealth, night outs, playing online, etc. -- for the simple reason that you know that these only grant temporary, thrill-of-the-moment happiness; when it's gone, you are sad again, and you'd want to get another "hit" of it. This means I find myself more withdrawn from the world, not because I want to withdraw from it, but the world rejects me for my views... even if I believe with all my heart and soul that what I'm doing would be, in the long run, the better choice. To make matters worse, when you try to grant upon even your own family, the vestiges and lessons you know are for their benefit, it's as if the weight of the entire planet tries to wrestle that passing of knowledge from you.

It really hurts when I think about it. But I do try to suck it up, keep my chin up with the confidence that my will be done in the end, even if I doubt the fragile threads that still keep my sanity... sane.

The curse of the magus is the curse of wisdom combined with the burden of knowledge eternal: as enlightenment will be overshadowed by ignorance, as what is right will be overturned by what is pleasurable, and as darkness would envelope even the purest of souls... the only thing one can do...

... is hope...

... and endure.

On Money and Wealth

People usually think that wealthy people are people with lots of money, and thus could buy whatever they want or need. This is a basic misconception that drives lots of people to try and earn (or "acquire") as much money as they can, because it's supposed to be their source of happiness, of comfort.

But wealth isn't just about money. Money is a resource, but an artificial one, created by man to simplify transactions between those who have and those who want. If you have an ox and I want it, instead of gathering several chickens to trade for it, which you might not want, I just pay you for the ox instead, so you could use the money to buy other things later on. But what are we looking for, really, the money, or the opportunity to fulfill our needs and wants?

People say that money is an object that we must not worship, yet day in and day out, we cry out in frustration about how much we owe, how little we earn, what jobs we couldn't get because someone else got it... in short, in spite of our acknowledgement that money is just a tool, we slave for it, we trade our services for it, we live a major part of our lives not just with it, but for it.

The question is: do we REALLY have to stay this way?

Frankly, there's no real need to worry about money, for the simple reason that it is just a tool. Scroungers -- really stingy people -- realize that there's a lot in the world that's given away for virtually no cost on their part (free tissue, catchup, etc.), and if people are willing to sacrifice comfort and ease for the more natural and *cash-free* method, there's even more out there that can be obtained without spending a coin. Planting food in the backyard is the easiest to cite as an example.

Also, for one to truly consider money as just another tool, we must change our mindset from making it the objective to making it just one of several means of obtaining our real goals. Again, you could buy food, or even grow food instead. You could earn money, or you could make money earn for itself (starting a home-based miniature business, or the like).

[ The Law of Attraction is a very good thing to keep in mind when doing this, as it would help you get more of what you actually want, rather than what you think you want. ]

Keeping this short (for now), all I can say is this: even the richest people aren't wealthy, because wealth isn't just having lots of cash, wealth is having lots of everything, which means cash, love, friendship, comfort, happiness, and peace.

[ I personally consider myself *almost* wealthy, save for the fact that I'm concerned about the welfare of my family as it stands... ]

Essential Ws + H: Who, What, When, Where, Why, How? part 2

Who: Who benefits from the study of magick?

First and foremost, the magician is the biggest beneficiary of the study of magick; as much as I'd want to say it's for the good of all, the fact remains that the magus does have a distinct advantage over others since the knowledge of magick, even for the most generous and "good" sage, would help develop the magus in question as a whole far sooner than the average person would in his or her lifetime, including getting to Heaven/Nirvana if that is the intent.

That doesn't mean that they're the only ones to benefit from it. In fact, those who don't intend to follow the path of the Magus would still appreciate him/her being near them, as his positive aura, his (occasional) generosity, and his influence on the universe would definitely help them in their daily lives, directly or otherwise. Of course, sucking up to them may or may not help either, since you also risk causing them to lax at their own training, weakening their ability to help you out. Instead, try to follow in their example instead of in the gifts they give; after all, even though there are material benefits to being a Magus, it's the spiritual, astral, moral and supernatural benefits that they seek... and it wouldn't hurt to do some of your own self-improvement from time to time, would it?

What: What is purpose of all this?

Rather, try asking yourself, what should I ask to myself?
1. Who am I?
2. Why do I exist?
3. What is my purpose in life?
4. Where do I go next?
5. How must I go about my life?
6. When would I go to the next step in my existence?

One of my purposes is to attempt to enlighten people on magick. Another purpose is to just release all these memories and thoughts from my mind before I lose my mind in this tsunami of ideas. Finally, I'd really want people to go beyond the mundane, the physical, the material, and to start looking back at the philosophical. Facts are good, and I would encourage further study of the imperical and the physical, but aren't we developing our technologies and our sciences much faster than our moral, spiritual and philosophical natures could follow? Couldn't we have them develop side by side?

When: When will the world end?

Definitely not in 2012, I'm sure of that. Even without the scientific and even Mayan references to support the truth that 2012 would happen without... too much of a hitch... there's no reason to believe that the Earth will end in that year. I may not be a future reader, but I'm definitely certain that most of our foul-ups would be the cause of our end, not a natural disaster caused by our universe. Too many people, not enough space, and man's inability to cope with the stresses he placed upon nature and himself... something's got to give, and it's going to be ugly. And we don't even need to wait for an Ice Age or a giant meteor or even a 2012-esque scenario for THAT to happen.

(Apologies for being off-topic, but frankly I'm tired of all these unfounded and idiotic fears based off a movie that is based on popular beliefs and a loose collection of facts)

Where: Where can I find more information on magick?

Thanks to the development of the Internet, a lot of blogs, social groups and forums exist to sate the needs of those whose minds thirst for knowledge. There are also hard-to-find books out there that have a wealth of information about these things. Finally, just as Buddha saw enlightenment after an extended period of meditation, one can also tap into the truths the universe can offer by first tapping into one's self.

How: How do I attain self-enlightenment, or the ability to use magick?

The ability to use magick is easy, since even the most mundane tasks, in some ways, use magick to accomplish. The ability to attain self-enlightenment, not so easy, as it requires a great amount of patience and willingness on your part, in order to attain truths that lie within all of us, if we only went beyond ourselves.

Why: Why study magick?

I can think of four reasons:
1. Self-improvement.
2. Self-awareness.
3. Helping others.
4. Improving the use of magick.

Studying magick helps develop one's entire self, not just the physical or spiritual aspects. Assuming that you aren't naturally gifted with magick, or that you don't make a pact with a devil just to attain magick -- and seriously, don't -- and instead you actually study magick, you would have to learn how to be more aware of yourself, of your actions, of the whos, whats, whens, wheres, whys, and hows that make up yourself. You would have to listen to, and understand, every underlying thought, every emotional signal, every hormone coursing through your body and in & out of your body. And once you become aware of every movement and thought you make, you start taking control of them, allowing yourself to become more than just an automated bag of genes waiting for the next score or the next bag of genes to arrive, to become something beyond a moneymaker or money spender, to become... a little more than human, and yet a little more human than most humans.

Of course, aside from helping one's self improve his self-awareness and self overall, the study of magick could also help (or harm) others to a degree. Directly or otherwise, a Magus could influence one's fortunes or fate, and even one's future to a certain degree. This power, as subtle as it is compared to the popular flair of magicians throwing lightning bolts and fireballs to smite his foes, is actually the magus' deadliest weapon, as well as his most powerful tool. This is also the reason why even the good magi refused to part with their secrets: in the wrong hands, manipulation of the right people can destroy nations, even worlds.

[ Then again, with the way this world works right now, you don't really need to be a magus anymore to find out how powerful a diplomat or political advisor is in shaping world events ]

For those who truly wish to advocate the use of magick, it would certainly help if you study how the ancient ones developed and casted their spells and used their magick in order to further enhance magick's use. This is also why I'm divulging this information on this blog in the first place, to disseminate information to the future generations in the hopes that, if and when they find this blog, they would be able to further research into spell creation and development of magick, especially as a tool to develop life, love and humanity [or for a less "racial" term, universality (kindness for all beings, whenever applicable, and not just humans)].

Strange experience...

Seeing as I have absolutely no idea where to put this, I might as well just blog it.

Earlier I was walking inside one of the wet markets near my house and one of the stalls just so happened to have a mirror set next to a stall. I would've expected to see a reflection of whatever was opposite that of the mirror, but for a moment I thought I saw a densely forested mountain with white cliff faces peeking out of the foliage, complete with clouds and all... so there are three possibilities:

1. I really did see a reflection of what was opposite that of the mirror but my mind rearranged the information so that it looked like what I saw
2. For a moment my third eye opened, granting me a peek into another world
3. I'm going crazy

Seeing as I'm still able to doubt my sanity and I'm still able to (seemingly) logically list down all this, I'm probably going to say either 1 or 2. Crazy people generally don't think they're crazy, right?

Gaming and the Paranormal, incompatible much?

Out of boredom really, I decided to look back at one reason why a certain forum moderator didn't want me and my Wiccan wife to join them: because she felt that we were gamers and, with the bad experience they had with gamer members before, didn't feel we should be there.  Well, if that's their miff with gamers so be it, but then I'm thinking, what's wrong with a practitioner who just so happens to be a computer gamer, or vice versa?

Firemaiden, a friend of mine, said that she thought that gaming would serve as the idea framework to give the gamer an idea on how the paranormal works.  Nice thought and theory, but sadly even for me it doesn't really hold much credit, as most games are not just fiction-based but totally on the creative side, feeding off the fantasy genre often and not holding much'reality' on the paranormal, if at all.

Personally, I'd like to think of it simply as this: gaming and paranormal may be related from time to time, but a hobby veering towards self-gratification and enjoyment is still totally different from a belief system and the search for wisdom and clarity within the universe (and beyond).  The gaming industry may have some roots in the paranormal in the sense that ideas and rumors circulating within, or related to, the supernatural would be the inspiration that designers (and perhaps gamers) would feed upon, but ultimately it's still the individual's desire to learn, study and develop as a wiccan, druid, satanist, or what not that would determine whether or not they would be such... regardless if their hobby is gaming or not.

As noted earlier, one issue with the typical 'gamer' is that they have preconceived notions about the supernatural from their main if not only source of knowledge: computer games.  If it was the sort that was inspired by actual paranormal knowledge well and good, but sadly almost all computer games are very far-fetched from anything even remotely supernatural... and most of the said supernatural info is from Catholicism (either actual information or skewered propaganda [a.k.a. either the Bible or demonizing non-Christian pantheons/spirits/what not]).  With no ill intent towards Blizzard Co. I'd still say that the worst source for knowledge or inspiration regarding anything beyond the stereotypical info on the supernatural would be their games -- especially World of Warcraft -- as even though they are keyed off popular genres and such, pretty much everything they have in there is pretty much found in their fantasy world exclusively.

I love playing computer games, and I also play a bit of tabletop games like Magic: The Gathering and Dungeons & Dragons myself.  However, that does not, in any way, invalidate my being a spellcaster, a spell crafter, a Tarot card reader, and a self-proclaimed magus.  Just because you play computer games, or join a rock band, or go to work, or have a family, doesn't make you any less of a practitioner of New Age philosophy/crafts, does it?  It's true that some of it may influence your ability to divine, or cast spells, or even your belief system as a whole, but unless you base your belief system around it -- in which case, I'd say you probably need help there, just to see things a bit more clearly -- you'll probably still view Wicca as Wicca, and not something disguised as such, and so on.

Instead of calling it a framework of knowledge, I'd rather call games just as they are: a form of entertainment during your spare time.

Magick and the Future

I've perused some of the e-books I've torrented and apparently there are quite a few resources out there that already covered what I originally intended to discuss, and at greater depth too, so I've decided to just lay this "project" to the side for now, and instead focus on the more material aspects of my own life. This does not mean, however, that I've abandoned the study of magick; in fact, one does have to integrate the practice and use of magick in his or her everyday life in order to fully understand a significant part of magick.

Remember, while magick is the manipulation of life-force in the universe, it is only a part of how we as individuals and as part of the grand scheme of things present and future would develop and achieve the ultimate goal: to become one with the All-Father, the God - whatever his/her/their name or form would be - the universe in all its aspects.

So what does all this have to do with the title of this post? One observation I've noted in the various resources that discuss and teach magick is that while there is a study on how spells are cast and what specific rituals and spells can be done for whatever purpose is deemed necessary, there seems to be a lack in information regarding the continuous development of magick, even as a pseudoscience, much less as an actual metaphysical study. It's mostly about spiritual development, and yes the more spiritually developed you are the better your spells would become, but frankly all I've seen is give or take a revival of what has already been found in the past. What else are we going to do other than dig up spells crafted by our forefathers and whatever beings gave them those spells, just stick to those spells and nothing else?

I may be a little eccentric in suggesting this, but I believe that aside from my original purpose in this world as both observer and host for my alpha incarnation, I - and pretty much every other sentient spiritually developed being in the universe I hope - would like to further delve into the development of magick as both a spiritual and practical practice; go beyond what is the stereotypical and the conventional spells, and find ways to make spells more useful on a day-to-day basis without the need for the "strong stuff". This is probably more apt in the low magicks of course, since high magicks would likely be best done in the "traditional" ritualistic sense... and although yes magick is still powerful when done with rhymes, chants, and so on, why go about all the hubbub when simple flicks of the hand and focusing of the mind would be just as appropriate? Why send a thunderstorm when a simple shower could do just as well?

So if anyone actually reads this, I'd like to leave you with a little question, a little challenge even: how do you make spellcasting better, quicker, or easier?

- - - - -

For those who wish to read past this, as this is completely off-topic already, go ahead :P

Before I reached the age of 25, I've always considered myself a useless piece of meat, just good for spreading my family's genes then completely expendable after that. I never expected reaching the age of 30, and even now I secretly hope that I would be more of a spirit guide than a father to my child since I have all this knowledge on mundane and spiritual stuff, but no knowledge on being "grown up"; blame me for not listening to my parents and complaining about everything when I was told to do stuff, and also for not exercising enough leading to myself being easily exhausted when I shouldn't be... and blame my family for not being able to properly instill upon me the necessary things to survive on my own (always had depend on each other, which was both good and bad, although with the way things went here, it slid more in the bad).

If I'm going to be a father though, I really have to go now from thinking "I'm a useless dolt", to "I'm a good father and husband"... assuming that the law of attraction and what I've learned as a magician are both correct and aptly applied in this situation. Otherwise I may as well commit suicide, throw my soul into the very depths of the 13 hells, and just pray that every soul and spirit I've touched would do better without me.

Then again that'd make me too much of an emo, and I don't think anyone would appreciate me doing that.

Faced with several problems - clumsiness in housework, laziness in studies and work, weakness in physique, and overall inefficiency - and the need to up the ante, so to speak, there's only one thing I'm probably good at that I can do, and will have to do:

Learn.

From the Dreamland

Around 1 1/2 hours ago (from the time I began typing this at 1:00pm), I felt that I had to be somewhere for a reason... I felt I had to be asleep for some reason. At first, typical of any person, I decided to just ignore it, but the pull was simply too great, and the weather confirmed my suspicions.

So I slept.

And although it took me awhile to actually sleep, I eventually entered the dream world. In there, I saw myself driving a car, going along some rather twisted roads that had a blue walk way that was snaking through the entire city, with some people and a dog I apparently know (but never met yet).

Then I was teleported to a scene where was someone who tried to escape the dreamland, following the "procedure" (asking permission, going through the maze of lucid dreams and portals abound, and finding the door that leads out), but apparently something wasn't right.

Then a change in the scene (again): I was attending some sort of banjoree or military celebration, and I was an NCO who, during part of the exercise, wanted to lower the penalty of the cadets in my cadre by offering to do some of their push-ups in their stead. The CO told me to make us 5 and we all do the same number of push-ups. Ceremonies interrupted the punishment-giving, so we were able to sneak out... but somehow I saw a small opening where I saw what I knew was the sun but instead was a bright crystal blue that was changing shape, and with its change in hue from white to blue, my dream's sky also changed to blue then black.

Enter another scene: of pure chaos, where there was fire, darkness, a blue crystal sun, and I overheard talking cows saying that someone was trying to escape the dream world "without permission", among other things. A chubby buddy (supposedly someone I'm close to but never met yet as of to date) began to drive an ice cream truck - with me hanging over the roof of the truck, and cows and other creatures spilling over the street, looting and pillaging just about everywhere. Then near the end of the road we found someone who was supposed to be the one handling the situation, stuck in a trailer van with some other people. I overheard two things:

1. We were supposed to head to an airport and then from there go up the mountain to enter a room full of doors, stairs, and floors

2. Something was destroying the dream world

Then near the end of the dream I saw Dream (resembling the 2nd Dream Lord from the DC comics.. but not quite), with his booming voice, saying: THIS DREAM IS OVER.

Although, not quite.

After the dream dissolved I watched my buddy do a sort of monologue (ala-cinema movie), about him visiting a neighbor of his, with him knowing that everything was a dream since he was with his wife and kids but she left him long ago...

... the strange part was, he was supposedly visiting someone *else's* dream in THAT dream.

Sounds crazy? Perhaps. But then again, how many remember their dreams so lucidly?