The dream itself is a bit absurd -- kinda like a zombie apocalypse movie gone bad, where the military, the wrestling federation, A-Team, and a select number of individuals (including myself) ended up working together into bringing humanity back to "normal", since people suddenly were caked with white stuff and acted all wierd and stuff. Nicholas Cage was this super-skilled sniper taking out zombies who suddenly acquired almost equally-good sniping skills.
The odd additions would come at what I could call "alternative replays", because the dream seemed to loop but with different variations; wrestlers didn't come up the first time it was played, and neither did the army (wrestlers came up around the second time it played, army guys and snipers came in around the third and fourth time).
One odd addition would be at the part where everybody was about to assault this laboratory where all the zombies where being controlled/created, and my grandfather suddenly drives in from I don't know where, wearily tries to get into the house gates. Some of the military guys strip him of his pants with virtually no struggle, gets his belt, and asks if anyone would need an extra pair of pants and a belt; although I took the pants, I threw away the belt. The last time I saw my grandpa in that dream, he was trying to get some sleep under his brown car (which earlier was what he drove and somehow got teleported inside the house).
Immediately after that, the fourth version had me chasing the rest of the military guys, while contemplating on what would happen if Filipinos became zombies in the said zombie apocalypse. The images that I saw: essentially nothing changed, with people still watching TV, chatting about how good alcohol is for children (or something to that degree), etc.
----------
I'd like to take a moment to add this thing I noticed over the past weeks: it seems that with enough skill and determination, one can weaken his spiritual ties with his body, to the point where his body would refuse to budge, at least until the ties are restored. I'm not sure if it is possible to actually kill one's self by sheer willpower -- no drugs, bullets, or what not -- but I am definitely certain that even if it *were* possible, three things would likely stop most people from doing so: morals, lack of training/determination, and the natural strength of one's ties with his mortal shell.
Last night was the second time I focused a significant amount of spiritual "energy" into a sphere, with an intent to not wake up (being emotionally distraught at the time). I didn't release the energy ball, I simply focused it all in one hand -- with my emotions clouding my judgements -- and slept.
The first time I woke up (being kissed by my wife), my body flatly refused to budge at all for a good amount of time -- roughly 15-30 minutes -- and for me to get back control, I had to "will" myself back for most of the time my body refused to budge.
The second time I woke up, I was actually still dreaming, yet I felt my spirit partially tie itself into the mortal realm, albeit barely, and until I forced energy into my third eye with the intent of reinforcing my spirit's bond with my body, I felt as if I wasn't me, or something like that.
Again, I doubt people would normally be able to do this without removing their moral bindings -- namely, the knowledge that killing anyone, especially one's self, is evil and will bring you to Hell -- and lack of training/discipline (although I do believe alcohol can play a part in bypassing this... up to a certain degree). Even if we're talking of a person with little heed to morality, and who is dedicated and willing to try this, I doubt it would be possible to just separate body from mind/spirit/soul like that, because from what I can tell there's this unknown force that ties the two together, and it's this force that I suppose we could call "life" or something.
Given the nature of this "life force", I'm not even sure *how* science could approach such a subject, if it is possible at all (since this goes beyond what is currently perceived as "natural", and yet it isn't "theoretical" either; some might consider it as a figment of my imagination, but frankly even if it wasn't and if this turned out to be some sort of subconscious paranoia of some sort, that would still be an interesting thing to study, assuming we can go beyond theories about human psyche).
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
A Dream With Familiar Faces
This particular dream I had just now is really... odd.
It began as a certain spy vs spy thing, with me and a very thin, old lady attempting to sneak to a holy altar the most sacred of holy waters - there were people trying to take the water away from me, and we had to do a bit of cloak-and-dagger secrecy to get the water to the altar without them realizing that we had the actual water. When I got the water there, two groups suddenly appeared out of nowhere -- some of them my high school batchmates -- trying to organize a mass... though the whole thing was so messed up, with many attendees jeering throughout the mass, I decided to take over.
This was when my late great grandmother -- who we called "Nanay" -- was wheelchaired in, guarded by several people in black. While I was thoroughly reprimanding the masses for not only their shameful acts towards the sacred mass, but also for scaring Nanay away, I unintentionally frightened Nanay considerably, who tried to maneuver her wheelchair as far away from me as possible. When I realized this, I came up to Nanay -- whose wheelchair suddenly dissappeared -- and tried to calm her down, telling her that I'm her grandson, and that there's nothing to be afraid...
... and while I was doing that, a sort of transfiguration happened, where Nanay became my daughter!
In spite of the transfiguration, I calmly helped Nanay to her wheelchair, which was situated outside the chapel, and with some of the guys guarding her helping me put her back into her wheelchair. The way I carried her around though, was really like how I carried my baby and aided her in her walk...
Anyway, while the guys in black finished prepping her for the mass, I teleported back onto the altar, calmly telling those who were there -- although by then a table found itself at the left of the altar, and a few batchmates of mine were playing cards and... drinking? -- that Nanay was my great grandmother of, 96 I think (she's definitely older than that though), and that we should really respect her presence here; if they really don't want to attend, then at least they shouldn't scare her away... for one, those in attendance can walk, except for her.
A wooden, somewhat rickety chair -- it felt like it was of Nanay's favorites, although it looked like one of those old mahogany(?) chairs in UP Diliman College of Education where I used to sit whenever I went there to my grandmother's office -- was brought in, next to the right side of the altar, and the guys in black guided Nanay to that seat. The table to the left of the altar disappeared, replaced by several of my relatives, including my grandmother who we call "Mama" (come to think of it, Mama was the one who lent me this blue Bible that I was to use for the mass, given that the guy who was doing the first reading read off some crazy stuff scribbled onto a notebook, although she was situated at the back row at the time, not at the left of the altar). Mama asked me what passage I was reading...
... and the passage I was about to read was replaced by flower garlands, of yellow and pink. Although I did read the top left page, and I saw the word "ADVENTS".
And then I woke up.
It began as a certain spy vs spy thing, with me and a very thin, old lady attempting to sneak to a holy altar the most sacred of holy waters - there were people trying to take the water away from me, and we had to do a bit of cloak-and-dagger secrecy to get the water to the altar without them realizing that we had the actual water. When I got the water there, two groups suddenly appeared out of nowhere -- some of them my high school batchmates -- trying to organize a mass... though the whole thing was so messed up, with many attendees jeering throughout the mass, I decided to take over.
This was when my late great grandmother -- who we called "Nanay" -- was wheelchaired in, guarded by several people in black. While I was thoroughly reprimanding the masses for not only their shameful acts towards the sacred mass, but also for scaring Nanay away, I unintentionally frightened Nanay considerably, who tried to maneuver her wheelchair as far away from me as possible. When I realized this, I came up to Nanay -- whose wheelchair suddenly dissappeared -- and tried to calm her down, telling her that I'm her grandson, and that there's nothing to be afraid...
... and while I was doing that, a sort of transfiguration happened, where Nanay became my daughter!
In spite of the transfiguration, I calmly helped Nanay to her wheelchair, which was situated outside the chapel, and with some of the guys guarding her helping me put her back into her wheelchair. The way I carried her around though, was really like how I carried my baby and aided her in her walk...
Anyway, while the guys in black finished prepping her for the mass, I teleported back onto the altar, calmly telling those who were there -- although by then a table found itself at the left of the altar, and a few batchmates of mine were playing cards and... drinking? -- that Nanay was my great grandmother of, 96 I think (she's definitely older than that though), and that we should really respect her presence here; if they really don't want to attend, then at least they shouldn't scare her away... for one, those in attendance can walk, except for her.
A wooden, somewhat rickety chair -- it felt like it was of Nanay's favorites, although it looked like one of those old mahogany(?) chairs in UP Diliman College of Education where I used to sit whenever I went there to my grandmother's office -- was brought in, next to the right side of the altar, and the guys in black guided Nanay to that seat. The table to the left of the altar disappeared, replaced by several of my relatives, including my grandmother who we call "Mama" (come to think of it, Mama was the one who lent me this blue Bible that I was to use for the mass, given that the guy who was doing the first reading read off some crazy stuff scribbled onto a notebook, although she was situated at the back row at the time, not at the left of the altar). Mama asked me what passage I was reading...
... and the passage I was about to read was replaced by flower garlands, of yellow and pink. Although I did read the top left page, and I saw the word "ADVENTS".
And then I woke up.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
More Dreams...
I had at least two dreams just now.
In the first dream, it was as if I was in a house as part of a group that was investigating hauntings in the area. Aside from the fact that one of the members of the group looked exactly like Dr. House (the other two reminded me of Holmes and Watson in the recent movie), and that there were (living) models of the various organisms in the game Fallout (particularly Brahmin) -- I'm assuming this is where my brain gets references from what is familiar to me -- it was as if the entire world was after the group. I was the last one they tried to take, with the mistress and master of the haunted house asking what I could do to stop them... which was when I began chanting what seems to be (messed up) Latin, gained the ability to dodge their attempts to grab me, and as I found the mountainside beginning to fill with corpses, was able to actually levitate and fly away, casting spells to prevent them from following me. And then I woke up...
... only to have a sort of continuation of the dream, if not a different dream altogether.
I landed in a school, which partially resembled the school I spent my high school days in, save for this wierd greenhouse garden where the professors ended up as they attempted to summon ghosts for their research. This was when they ended up an old peer of theirs, who apparently ended up in Hell since he literally melted the table under him. He easily popped out three gorgeous ladies wearing only tiger-skinned lingerie, who proceeded to taunt and play with three new arrivals. The scenery outside the greenhouse had changed, as if it was an abandoned section of San Francisco (it was underneath the Golden Gate Bridge, in a sort of port area... I'm guessing this is where my mind took reference to that Will Smith movie where he was the only person in Chicago...). The group of eight proceeded to the waters, where the new arrivals eventually ended up being imprisoned in their own bodies. Later on, a new group, headed by the guy who apparently summoned the succubi as well as the colleague in question, came up to some demon -- I'm guessing high-ranking devil, who was under contract to another human -- located in some sort of oil rig facility, and finished discussing the terms of contract for summoning those minor demons: he is to make them his whores, and that he'll make as much money as possible selling their bodies. Interestingly, he almost died -- can't say the same to some of his female companions -- because when he requested to get a bath, he was given an oil bath.
The dream continued on with a bit of actual sex in it, with the succubi and some other whores patrolling the streets. They didn't even care if they were having sex then and there -- no motel or hotel, not even time to undress -- although one particular succubus was apparently a chained soul herself, forced to be a succubus because of her contract. In the last part of the dream she sought out the other succubi and attacked, maybe destroyed them... I'm not sure, because I woke up a bit after the battle began.
[ Apparently the lesson is never deal with any devil, unless you're REALLY 100% sure of each and every corner case. For most people, that won't happen, so just don't deal with any devil. ]
In the first dream, it was as if I was in a house as part of a group that was investigating hauntings in the area. Aside from the fact that one of the members of the group looked exactly like Dr. House (the other two reminded me of Holmes and Watson in the recent movie), and that there were (living) models of the various organisms in the game Fallout (particularly Brahmin) -- I'm assuming this is where my brain gets references from what is familiar to me -- it was as if the entire world was after the group. I was the last one they tried to take, with the mistress and master of the haunted house asking what I could do to stop them... which was when I began chanting what seems to be (messed up) Latin, gained the ability to dodge their attempts to grab me, and as I found the mountainside beginning to fill with corpses, was able to actually levitate and fly away, casting spells to prevent them from following me. And then I woke up...
... only to have a sort of continuation of the dream, if not a different dream altogether.
I landed in a school, which partially resembled the school I spent my high school days in, save for this wierd greenhouse garden where the professors ended up as they attempted to summon ghosts for their research. This was when they ended up an old peer of theirs, who apparently ended up in Hell since he literally melted the table under him. He easily popped out three gorgeous ladies wearing only tiger-skinned lingerie, who proceeded to taunt and play with three new arrivals. The scenery outside the greenhouse had changed, as if it was an abandoned section of San Francisco (it was underneath the Golden Gate Bridge, in a sort of port area... I'm guessing this is where my mind took reference to that Will Smith movie where he was the only person in Chicago...). The group of eight proceeded to the waters, where the new arrivals eventually ended up being imprisoned in their own bodies. Later on, a new group, headed by the guy who apparently summoned the succubi as well as the colleague in question, came up to some demon -- I'm guessing high-ranking devil, who was under contract to another human -- located in some sort of oil rig facility, and finished discussing the terms of contract for summoning those minor demons: he is to make them his whores, and that he'll make as much money as possible selling their bodies. Interestingly, he almost died -- can't say the same to some of his female companions -- because when he requested to get a bath, he was given an oil bath.
The dream continued on with a bit of actual sex in it, with the succubi and some other whores patrolling the streets. They didn't even care if they were having sex then and there -- no motel or hotel, not even time to undress -- although one particular succubus was apparently a chained soul herself, forced to be a succubus because of her contract. In the last part of the dream she sought out the other succubi and attacked, maybe destroyed them... I'm not sure, because I woke up a bit after the battle began.
[ Apparently the lesson is never deal with any devil, unless you're REALLY 100% sure of each and every corner case. For most people, that won't happen, so just don't deal with any devil. ]
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A Random Note
A high school batchmate of mine began posting a few YouTube videos of some old (80s) cartoons that were popular at the time, and it sort of became a bit of a quest myself to find some of the cartoons I used to watch myself. After finding them and watching a few episodes here and there, I looked upon myself and noted that I wasn't just feeling nostalgia for seeing all these old shows, I felt as if I was reconnecting to a missing part of myself.
I guess it's because of that time I got beaten up, that a part of my memories and consciousness seems very distant to seemingly nonexistent. I have difficulty remembering all but the most immediate of family and friends, and my life as of late has been more of remembering who I used to know, and what we used to do together, as well as trying to reaffirm the bonds that tie us together or forge new ones should those bonds not exist.
What worries me most, however, is the pain I am getting right in the middle of my forehead from time to time, which feels like something's pouring out of my head. I don't know what causes the sensation or what pours out of it or why it happens, but regardless, I'm going to make sure this doesn't get in the way of what I would consider as top priority: the caring and protection and development of my new family.
I guess it's because of that time I got beaten up, that a part of my memories and consciousness seems very distant to seemingly nonexistent. I have difficulty remembering all but the most immediate of family and friends, and my life as of late has been more of remembering who I used to know, and what we used to do together, as well as trying to reaffirm the bonds that tie us together or forge new ones should those bonds not exist.
What worries me most, however, is the pain I am getting right in the middle of my forehead from time to time, which feels like something's pouring out of my head. I don't know what causes the sensation or what pours out of it or why it happens, but regardless, I'm going to make sure this doesn't get in the way of what I would consider as top priority: the caring and protection and development of my new family.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
[Dream] The gates to the spirit realm?
[I just woke up from a dream so I'm trying to record what I still can before it's lost; it's a good practice for everyone, practitioner or not, since it lets you remember these dreams more often. ]
As my memories of the dream are fading, I frantically type this in the hopes of keeping what I could.
I found myself in what seemed to be an area strikingly similar to my own in reality, yet with everything bathed in darkness, white lines barely lining the outlines of each object, wall, vehicle and creature. I remember traveling with several creatures, at least one of whom was a fairy. In a street I knew had no jeepney route, there was a jeepney waiting... for us apparently.
We arrived at what seemed like a hospital of sorts - or perhaps a prison without fences, given the appearance of the "waiting room" we were in? - and there were few people sitting in various tables. All of us were waiting for something, but what exactly, I didn't know... perhaps none of us knew. After awhile I saw a young man, with a dead/dying dog. He gave a wonderfully long story about so many things - a story that, sadly, I can't recall right now, but it seemed like his own eulogy or parting speech, of sorts - and at the end of the whole thing, as he was leaving for the backstage which, for some reason, I knew was his path to the "other side", I actually asked him a favor: to greet certain people I somehow knew were already there [one of them would actually have the alias of a friend of mine who is still alive], and said that those four female individuals gathered 'near the Castle'.
What this whole thing means is a bit of a mystery to me...
As my memories of the dream are fading, I frantically type this in the hopes of keeping what I could.
I found myself in what seemed to be an area strikingly similar to my own in reality, yet with everything bathed in darkness, white lines barely lining the outlines of each object, wall, vehicle and creature. I remember traveling with several creatures, at least one of whom was a fairy. In a street I knew had no jeepney route, there was a jeepney waiting... for us apparently.
We arrived at what seemed like a hospital of sorts - or perhaps a prison without fences, given the appearance of the "waiting room" we were in? - and there were few people sitting in various tables. All of us were waiting for something, but what exactly, I didn't know... perhaps none of us knew. After awhile I saw a young man, with a dead/dying dog. He gave a wonderfully long story about so many things - a story that, sadly, I can't recall right now, but it seemed like his own eulogy or parting speech, of sorts - and at the end of the whole thing, as he was leaving for the backstage which, for some reason, I knew was his path to the "other side", I actually asked him a favor: to greet certain people I somehow knew were already there [one of them would actually have the alias of a friend of mine who is still alive], and said that those four female individuals gathered 'near the Castle'.
What this whole thing means is a bit of a mystery to me...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
The Curse of the Magus
Sometimes I envy ignorance. If only I could forget who I was, how my actions could affect generations to come, everything that went "wrong" in my life, and what I could do to actually end it all, maybe waste away in both sanity and health. Well, there's illegal drugs, sure, but frankly the fact that I know that all my actions have resounding repercussions for generations to come -- even the typing of this very blog, in spite of the lack of avid followers -- constantly denies me the ability to give in to this very powerful temptation.
It's both a blessing and a curse, really: being able to know what's right and wrong, and acting upon things that would favor the "right" rather than the "wrong", you deny a lot of things that many other people your age enjoy -- material wealth, night outs, playing online, etc. -- for the simple reason that you know that these only grant temporary, thrill-of-the-moment happiness; when it's gone, you are sad again, and you'd want to get another "hit" of it. This means I find myself more withdrawn from the world, not because I want to withdraw from it, but the world rejects me for my views... even if I believe with all my heart and soul that what I'm doing would be, in the long run, the better choice. To make matters worse, when you try to grant upon even your own family, the vestiges and lessons you know are for their benefit, it's as if the weight of the entire planet tries to wrestle that passing of knowledge from you.
It really hurts when I think about it. But I do try to suck it up, keep my chin up with the confidence that my will be done in the end, even if I doubt the fragile threads that still keep my sanity... sane.
The curse of the magus is the curse of wisdom combined with the burden of knowledge eternal: as enlightenment will be overshadowed by ignorance, as what is right will be overturned by what is pleasurable, and as darkness would envelope even the purest of souls... the only thing one can do...
... is hope...
... and endure.
It's both a blessing and a curse, really: being able to know what's right and wrong, and acting upon things that would favor the "right" rather than the "wrong", you deny a lot of things that many other people your age enjoy -- material wealth, night outs, playing online, etc. -- for the simple reason that you know that these only grant temporary, thrill-of-the-moment happiness; when it's gone, you are sad again, and you'd want to get another "hit" of it. This means I find myself more withdrawn from the world, not because I want to withdraw from it, but the world rejects me for my views... even if I believe with all my heart and soul that what I'm doing would be, in the long run, the better choice. To make matters worse, when you try to grant upon even your own family, the vestiges and lessons you know are for their benefit, it's as if the weight of the entire planet tries to wrestle that passing of knowledge from you.
It really hurts when I think about it. But I do try to suck it up, keep my chin up with the confidence that my will be done in the end, even if I doubt the fragile threads that still keep my sanity... sane.
The curse of the magus is the curse of wisdom combined with the burden of knowledge eternal: as enlightenment will be overshadowed by ignorance, as what is right will be overturned by what is pleasurable, and as darkness would envelope even the purest of souls... the only thing one can do...
... is hope...
... and endure.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
On Money and Wealth
People usually think that wealthy people are people with lots of money, and thus could buy whatever they want or need. This is a basic misconception that drives lots of people to try and earn (or "acquire") as much money as they can, because it's supposed to be their source of happiness, of comfort.
But wealth isn't just about money. Money is a resource, but an artificial one, created by man to simplify transactions between those who have and those who want. If you have an ox and I want it, instead of gathering several chickens to trade for it, which you might not want, I just pay you for the ox instead, so you could use the money to buy other things later on. But what are we looking for, really, the money, or the opportunity to fulfill our needs and wants?
People say that money is an object that we must not worship, yet day in and day out, we cry out in frustration about how much we owe, how little we earn, what jobs we couldn't get because someone else got it... in short, in spite of our acknowledgement that money is just a tool, we slave for it, we trade our services for it, we live a major part of our lives not just with it, but for it.
The question is: do we REALLY have to stay this way?
Frankly, there's no real need to worry about money, for the simple reason that it is just a tool. Scroungers -- really stingy people -- realize that there's a lot in the world that's given away for virtually no cost on their part (free tissue, catchup, etc.), and if people are willing to sacrifice comfort and ease for the more natural and *cash-free* method, there's even more out there that can be obtained without spending a coin. Planting food in the backyard is the easiest to cite as an example.
Also, for one to truly consider money as just another tool, we must change our mindset from making it the objective to making it just one of several means of obtaining our real goals. Again, you could buy food, or even grow food instead. You could earn money, or you could make money earn for itself (starting a home-based miniature business, or the like).
[ The Law of Attraction is a very good thing to keep in mind when doing this, as it would help you get more of what you actually want, rather than what you think you want. ]
Keeping this short (for now), all I can say is this: even the richest people aren't wealthy, because wealth isn't just having lots of cash, wealth is having lots of everything, which means cash, love, friendship, comfort, happiness, and peace.
[ I personally consider myself *almost* wealthy, save for the fact that I'm concerned about the welfare of my family as it stands... ]
But wealth isn't just about money. Money is a resource, but an artificial one, created by man to simplify transactions between those who have and those who want. If you have an ox and I want it, instead of gathering several chickens to trade for it, which you might not want, I just pay you for the ox instead, so you could use the money to buy other things later on. But what are we looking for, really, the money, or the opportunity to fulfill our needs and wants?
People say that money is an object that we must not worship, yet day in and day out, we cry out in frustration about how much we owe, how little we earn, what jobs we couldn't get because someone else got it... in short, in spite of our acknowledgement that money is just a tool, we slave for it, we trade our services for it, we live a major part of our lives not just with it, but for it.
The question is: do we REALLY have to stay this way?
Frankly, there's no real need to worry about money, for the simple reason that it is just a tool. Scroungers -- really stingy people -- realize that there's a lot in the world that's given away for virtually no cost on their part (free tissue, catchup, etc.), and if people are willing to sacrifice comfort and ease for the more natural and *cash-free* method, there's even more out there that can be obtained without spending a coin. Planting food in the backyard is the easiest to cite as an example.
Also, for one to truly consider money as just another tool, we must change our mindset from making it the objective to making it just one of several means of obtaining our real goals. Again, you could buy food, or even grow food instead. You could earn money, or you could make money earn for itself (starting a home-based miniature business, or the like).
[ The Law of Attraction is a very good thing to keep in mind when doing this, as it would help you get more of what you actually want, rather than what you think you want. ]
Keeping this short (for now), all I can say is this: even the richest people aren't wealthy, because wealth isn't just having lots of cash, wealth is having lots of everything, which means cash, love, friendship, comfort, happiness, and peace.
[ I personally consider myself *almost* wealthy, save for the fact that I'm concerned about the welfare of my family as it stands... ]
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